What do you do when your husband leaves you a divorce letter? If you’re creative and sharp-witted, you hit back with the most epic comeback ever!
It all started when a husband decided to leave his wife with just a simple letter. Thinking it required no serious discussion, he wrote…
Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good man to you in our 7 years of marriage & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been tough for me. Your boss notified me that you quit your job today & that was just too much to bear any longer.
Man and woman sitting on a bench. | Photo: Pexels
Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, It’s over, and I am leaving.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Man writing a letter. | Photo: Pexels
The Ultimate Mic Drop Response
But the wife’s reply? Simply legendary. She wrote…
Dear Ex-Husband,
Believe me, nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s definitely true that you & I have been married for the past 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my TV shows so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping, although that doesn’t seem to work.
I definitely noticed your haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ And since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I decided not to comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 long years ago.
Brown paper envelope on the table. | Photo: Pexels
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could make this work. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home, you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem!
Woman writing on a paper. | Photo: Pexels
The Twist That Keeps on Giving
And just when you thought it couldn’t get funnier, another tale comes up to keep the laughs rolling.
A man and a woman discovered the hilarious consequences of a new labor pain-sharing machine during childbirth. The man rushed his laboring wife to the hospital, where the doctor offered to try out his new invention.
Upon entering the delivery room, the doctor told the couple, “I have invented a new machine that you might want to try, it takes some of the labor pains away from the mother and gives it to the father.”
The worried husband immediately said yes. He didn’t want to see his wife suffering so much from the pain of childbirth.
Pregnant woman holding her tummy together with a man beside. | Photo: Pexels
The doctor hooked the machine up and put it on ten percent of pain switched from the mother to the father.
The husband didn’t feel any pain. He said, “I feel okay, turn it up a lot more.”
The doctor turned it up to fifty percent. But the husband said, “Why don’t you just put it all on me because I’m not feeling a thing.”
Pregnant woman starting birth at work office | Photo: Freepik
Surprised that the husband was not feeling any pain, the doctor warned, “This much could kill you if you’re not prepared.”
“I am ready,” the husband boldly answered.
With much hesitation, the doctor turned the machine up to one hundred percent, but the husband still didn’t feel a thing. This made the doctor think that his invention was a failure.
A doctor at the operating room. | Photo: Pexels
An Unexpected Ending
The couple went home, happy with pain-free labor. But, the punchline came when they arrived home and found the mailman dead on the front porch! The wife couldn’t look her husband in the eye.
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Source: Bored Daddy